Sacred Ground Ministries

Do you remember a time when you thought 40 was old? As a child, everyone over 25 seemed so grown-up, so mature and 40 seemed like a ripe old age. Yet, as life goes, it doesn’t take hardly any time to realize that 40 is not very old at all. 

Today, my older brother would have been 40. 40 is such a big milestone.

Over the Hill!

Party time! (And trust me when I say, my brother would have enjoyed the party.) 

I could absolutely write pages and pages about how hard, sad, and awful losing someone unexpectedly and much too young is. Giving voice to sadness and even rage is sometimes the easy part. It’s natural, flowing and seeping out into your life, affecting your day to day for many days.

However, what’s much harder, and what I’m choosing to do today is twofold. First, it’s choosing to open myself to reflecting on what I’ve learned, even when my heart is brought low. Over the last 4 years I’ve ebbed and flowed in my relationship to grief and along the way she has taught me something. Something I probably wouldn’t have known if not for knowing her.

And that is, life is not neat. It’s sometimes not what we would choose and it is disorienting. Yet, after some time we learn to say that this is somehow okay and we welcome the sadness and confusion with a hug of familiarity. We acknowledge that there are hard, really hard, things that don’t make sense, that don’t stay neatly within the lines. There’s only one way to get to this place of open armed acceptance of what life brings and it’s through. Beginning to understand this mysterious lesson has been a gift because it means that I can accept moments for how they come, mess and all.

And the other thing I’m choosing to do today is say:

Happy Birthday, David. Your entrance into the world was a gift, a tremendous beautiful and wild gift. You taught me so much. 

Lovingly,